I surrender
by Muizeke83
Summary: It took her long, but Janeway finally surrenders!


I surrender! – Celine Dion

* * *

Rated: NC-17

Spoilers: none

Summary: I took her long, but Kathryn Janeway surrenders!

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Story is al mine BDC 2010

* * *

Kathryn checked the table one last time.

She still wasn't too pleased with the flower arrangement, so she pulled them out of the vase, dropped them back in and let them fall open again.

'_Much better'_ she thought. She turned one rose to the other direction, looked at the arrangement and nodded in approval.

"Perfect!" she said. She walked over to the replicator and ordered two salmon salads.

She took the plates, placed them on the table and smiled in contentment.

"Computer, what's the time?"

"It is 18.58." Two minutes to go.

Her door chime rang not even a minute later.

"On time, as usual. Come in." she said and turned around to welcome the handsome man that walked through her door.

Chakotay was wearing a nice shirt with a brown colour scheme and dark brown pants. He had his hands behind his back.

"I hope you're hungry." Kathryn asked and pointed at the table.

"I'm famished." he smiled, which made her smile even brighter.

"What have you got there?" She was curious, trying to look behind his back.

"Oh, just a little something to thank you for the invitation." He handed her a bottle of Chardonnay.

It was cooled, ready to use. She studied the label and was impressed by his choice.

"Perfect for the salmon salad!" He looked at her and had to hold back a laugh.

"Yes, you can say it." she rolled her eyes. "Playing safe with a salad. Can't get that wrong, can I?"

"We'll see." He laughed out loud this time. She playfully swatted him on the arm and went to get the corkscrew.

Chakotay sat down and looked at his plate.

"This really looks wonderful, Kathryn. I'm sure it'll taste as good."

Kathryn opened the bottle with an unintentional pop and topped off their glasses.

She sat down and raised her glass. Chakotay did the same.

"To an evening of peace and quiet." She toasted.

"Let us hope so." he answered and they took a sip. She let the cool fluid tickle her taste buds and closed her eyes with delight.

"Mmmmm, delicious. Bon appétit!" she said and tried the salad.

"This is really good! You've outdone yourself this time." Chakotay joked and enjoyed another bite.

"Very funny." She said and nudged his knee with hers.

"No really, sorry, it's good!" he apologized with a smile.

They ate quietly until Kathryn broke the silence.

"You know, I really enjoy these weekly dinners we have."

"It's the one time I can unwind and forget for a moment that I'm the Captain of a star ship, lost in some Godforsaken quadrant years away from home."

The mood suddenly changed and Chakotay noticed she was struggling with her emotions again.

She was staring at her plate, playing with a leaf of salad. Once in a while, this dark cloud came over her and he felt sorry for that.

He wiped his mouth and reached for her hand.

"Kathryn..." She looked up at him. There was sadness in her eyes. She managed a little smile and sighed.

He stood up and walked around the table. He squatted down and turned her chair, taking both her hands in his.

"When are you finally going to let this go?"

"When we get back to Earth. Home, where we belong." She whispered.

"You know that may be a lot sooner than you think. We have to keep that in mind, stay positive." She just nodded.

Chakotay stood up, pulling her up with him and took her into his strong, comforting arms.

This was the first time they ever were this close to each other. The first time she let him get this close.

It felt nice, safe and almost familiar. It kind of felt like home... Mark... the one she lost.

It didn't bother her, thinking of him, of what she lost, cause of the man who was holding her right now.

Chakotay kissed her forehead and pulled back a little. Their eyes locked.

He saw tears well up in her eyes and his heart fell. He hated it that she felt this way.

All he wanted to do was kiss the pain away, but she kept him at arm's length. The Protocol B.S.

He just pulled her close again and gently caressed her back.

Kathryn fought, but lost and her tears ran freely.

"Just let it go." he whispered close to her ear.

"I'm tired of crying." She almost sounded a bit angry. She tightened her grip on his shirt, causing it to wrinkle, but that was the least of his worries.

Before now, he had never seen her break down like that. He had never been there for her all the other times.

He wondered how many nights she had cried herself to sleep, all alone. He couldn't bear the thought.

She quieted down and let go of his shirt. He reluctantly let go of her. She took her napkin and wiped the tears away.

"I'm sorry for being such a blubbering mess. This was supposed to be a nice dinner and..." He put his finger to her lips.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Kathryn. You don't have to be strong ALL the time."

"But I do! For the crew. What message would I be giving them when their Captain breaks down over all of this?"

She angrily threw her napkin down and turned to look out the view port.

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and she let her head rest on his shoulder.

It was like two pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. She felt like she belonged there. He thought the same.

"Let me rephrase that. You don't have to be strong with ME. I'm here for you, always." She closed her eyes.

She wanted, NEEDED, him so badly it hurt, but she couldn't give in to her feelings.

Not while stuck here in the D.Q. The Protocol B.S.

"Chakotay, I..." He waited.

"What?"

"Thank you. Again."

"What for?"

"Being here for me. To lighten my burdens." She looked up at him and smiled so sweetly, his heart melted.

She felt an urge, a sudden sense of need, coming from her core. Her eyes went dark and Chakotay's smile faded.

Her heart was racing and she couldn't stop herself. Her heart longed for him.

The voice in her head screamed NO, but she couldn't hold herself back any longer.

She turned around in his arms and placed her hands on his cheeks. His heart skipped a beat and he drew in a deep breath.

Kathryn searched his eyes, but drowned in them. She rose up on her toes, their lips only inches away from each other.

"Kathryn." His breath was warm against her lips.

"Yes." she whispered. He closed his eyes, fighting his own urges with all he had.

"What are you doing?"

"I have no idea." Their lips touched lightly.

"Kathryn..."

"Yes?"

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"Will you ever be?"

This was unbearable for the both of them, wanting each other so badly.

"Convince me, please." she begged and planted her lips on his.

Everything around them seemed to disappear, it was just them.

He deepened the kiss, exploring her lips with his tongue until she let him taste her.

Their tongues danced in unison, eagerly and hungrily.

They broke the kiss to take a breath.

She felt light-headed and had to hold on to him tightly, fearing that if she let go of him, her knees would buckle.

He felt it and lifted her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

He hugged her tightly, not ever wanting to let go of her anymore.

"Stay with me tonight. I can't bear to be alone right now." She buried her face in the nape of his neck.

He couldn't believe what she was saying, but the fact that she refused to let go of him, convinced him she wanted him as bad as he wanted her.

Her lips left feathery kisses on his skin and he started to feel aroused.

He carried her to the bedroom and gently let her down on her feet again.

She attacked him with another kiss, rough and greedy, almost devouring him.

A surge of arousal ripped through her. She grabbed his shirt and ripped it open, causing the buttons to fly everywhere.

It startled him and he grabbed her by the wrists.

Kathryn looked at him in surprise, realizing what she had just done.

"Take it easy. You have nothing to prove. Let's go slow." he said, not wanting her to regret anything later.

He had waited this long, she could take all the time she needed. She said nothing, just nodded.

He let go of her hands and caressed her cheek.

She kicked off her shoes and took off her pants. She turned around to pull back the covers and climbed into bed.

She scooted to the other side and looked at him again.

"You will stay with me, won't you? Just hold me?"

Chakotay took off his shirt and pants too, and crawled in next to her.

She pulled her shirt off over her head, revealing her white satin bra.

She looked so beautiful, so feminine, just as he had imagined her.

Underneath the image of her as a strong, independent Captain, hid the frail, feminine side of Kathryn Janeway.

The side that she would only reveal to him, right now.

She turned to her side, facing away from him, pulling up her knees close to her.

He needed to hold her, so he scooted close, covered them and wrapped his arms around her.

She placed her hand on his and pressed herself into the warmth of his body.

"Goodnight, sweet Kathryn. Sweet dreams." He kissed the side of her face.

"With you here, they will be." She managed a smile and closed her eyes.

This felt wrong and so perfect at the same time, but right now, she couldn't care less. She felt safe.

It didn't take long for her to drift off.

Chakotay listened to her breathing and knew she was peacefully asleep.

"I love you." he whispered and let himself fall asleep too.

* * *

Kathryn woke to a soft snore and had to think for a moment, but immediately felt at ease again when she remembered the previous evening.

She carefully turned around and propped herself up on her elbow.

He looked so peaceful, but most of all, he looked so handsome. She reached over and traced his tattoo.

'_When did this happen? When was it that you completely stole my heart?' _she thought.

She didn't know, but didn't really care anyway.

She quietly slid out of bed to go to the toilet. She looked at herself in the mirror while she washed her hands.

She splashed some cool water on her face and sighed. She dried off her face and stared at her reflection.

'_There's so much life, I've left to live, and this fire is burning still. When I watch him look at me, I think I could find the will to stand for every dream and forsake the solid ground.'_

She walked back into her bedroom, slid back into bed and stared at him again.

'_I have to give up this fear within of what would happen if they even knew I'm in love with you.'_

She moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

He stirred a little and instinctively wrapped his arm around her.

"Are you okay?" he asked sleepily.

"Shh, I'm fine. You're here. Let's sleep, its still night." He kissed the top of her head and drifted off again.

Kathryn had no such luck. Her mind was working at full power, thinking about how to go from here.

How was she supposed to let go of the man she has grown to love so deeply, the one who was holding her in his arms.

She thought about her crew, what would they think about all this? Would this compromise her status of Captain?

They all accepted the fact that Tom and B'Elanna were a couple; wouldn't they do the same for them?

'_I'd surrender everything, to feel the chance to live again. Pull those four pips off that godforsaken red uniform; give away my title and responsibilities to just live the life I want, with whom I want.'_

But she couldn't do that. It wasn't that simple. They depended on her.

Like she couldn't sacrifice the lives of the Ocampa for an easy way home, she couldn't just abandon her responsibilities for her own needs.

There had to be something in between...

Lying there now, it felt so easy, so right.

'_When I reach to him, I know he can feel it. We always make it through.'_

She remembered all the times they almost lost each other.

The times they didn't reach consensus, the times he reluctantly let her do something he knew would get her into trouble and the other way around.

They always stood by each other, no matter what.

'_A thousand dreams I still believe. I'd make you give them all to me.'_

But she also knew she wouldn't have to make him. He would do anything for her.

"I'd hold you in my arms and never let go!" she whispered and as if he had heard, he pulled her really close in the safety of his arms.

* * *

Kathryn opened her eyes and found herself lying alone in her bed.

She grabbed the pillow Chakotay had slept on, hoping it would still hold his scent.

She was surprised to find a small note on it.

'My sweet Kathryn,

I dreaded leaving you this morning,

but you were sleeping so peacefully.

I thought you could use a nice sleep-in,

so I've got your shift covered for today.

If you would only meet me for lunch at 1300 in the mess hall,

it would really make my day.

Till then, you'll be on my mind.

Love Chakotay...'

A silly smile appeared on her face.

She felt like a lovesick teenager, butterflies were doing summersaults in her stomach.

She pressed her nose in the pillow and was happy to find his scent still all over it.

"Computer, set alarm to 11.30." The computer beeped once and she dozed off, with only one thing on her mind too.

* * *

Kathryn really wished she could have put on something stunning for him, but the mess hall would be packed with crewmembers.

He would also be in his uniform, so she zipped up her jacket, tucked in her shirt as a good Captain should always do and took one last look in the mirror.

'_Give up this fear within!'_ she said to herself, almost her new mantra.

"Computer, what's the time?" she asked and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"12.55." It replied.

"Damn it." she cursed and rearranged her hair one last time before she hurrying out of her quarters to the turbo lift.

"Deck 2." It took her three seconds to get there, which looked like an eternity, and when the doors opened she felt so nervous.

She took a deep breath.

"Get yourself together." she said to herself and walked out of the lift.

When she entered the mess hall, she was happy to see that there weren't as many crewmembers as she thought.

Chakotay wasn't there yet.

"Ah Captain, how nice to see you." Neelix greeted her.

"Neelix, how are you?" she asked and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Just fine. Actually, I was wondering if you would be coming around here today, since I missed you for your morning coffee." He really wanted to know everything.

It made her smile.

"Today, someone granted me the luxury to sleep in." she winked and walked over to a table next to the window.

He followed her and quickly wiped the table.

"What can I get you? Some coffee? I have a new blend I would really..." Kathryn stopped him by raising her hands in the air.

"Maybe later, I'm waiting for..." She stopped and the brightest smile lit up her face.

Neelix turned to see who managed to make the Captain so happy and wasn't even slightly surprised to see Commander Chakotay.

"Commander! Welcome!" he almost yelled too exciting and pulled out the chair across from Kathryn.

"I guess the Commander was the one you were waiting for." He didn't wait for her to answer and left for his kitchen.

"Hi." she just said. Chakotay sat down and smiled.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Wonderful! Thanks for that. I guess I needed that, I feel so much better now."

"I'm glad. You didn't miss anything. A quiet day in the DQ." He rolled his eyes. She laughed and it was like music to his ears.

"You've got to do that more often, Kathryn." he said and leaned forward. She frowned.

"Do what?"

"Laugh. You look beautiful when you smile." He reached over and placed his hand on her arm.

Her heart skipped a beat. A light shade of pink coloured her cheeks. She looked at his hand and smiled again.

She couldn't understand why this made her feel this way, they had touched before.

"So, what can I bring you?" Neelix interrupted and startled them both. Chakotay pulled back his hand.

"Could you do me a favour and make us some cucumber sandwiches?" Kathryn asked.

"If that's okay with you?" she looked at Chakotay.

"Sure, sounds good to me."

"Okay, let's see what I can do. And ummm, can I persuade you into trying that new blend?" he tried.

"I would love to try it." she smiled.

"I'll just have some herbal tea, thank you Neelix."

"Coming right up!" He skipped off to the kitchen again, whistling in contentment.

He loved it when he could present his favourite Captain something new.

And he loved it when she was in a cheery mood whenever the Commander was with her.

"Chakotay, about last night..." she started.

"I understand." he interrupted. She looked at him and shook her head.

"Understand what?" She really wanted to know what he was going to say.

"That it can't happen again. That it was just a moment of weakness."

She could hear the disappointment in his voice and, more than ever, she wished she could just tell him how wrong he was.

"Chakotay..." she tried again.

"I know, I can't survive another night away from you. You're the reason I go on but yet again, I need to live the truth."

She could almost feel his pain. She had given him hope last night.

"What truth?" she asked, knowing exactly what he meant by it.

'_Right now! There's no better time! From this fear I will break free!"_ her mind kept screaming.

"Kathryn, I can't keep playing this game anymore. I'm tired of it!" he whispered angrily.

His own words hurt him like hell.

"I love you, I thought you knew that by now. You're more to me than my Captain, colleague and close friend and I wish so much that I could mean the same to you."

His eyes grew moist, but he refused to let her see that it affected him so much.

"There you go! Fresh cucumber sandwiches, an herbal tea and my latest creation." Neelix interrupted again.

"I lost my appetite." Chakotay snapped, stood up and left.

Neelix' jaw dropped and looked at his Captain. Her cheery mood had vanished completely. She looked hurt.

"Did I do or say something wrong?"

Kathryn leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

"No, you just have poor timing."

Neelix didn't understand. He quickly poured her a cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it then." And scooted off.

'_A little too late for that.'_ She thought.

She took a sandwich, but realized she had lost her appetite too. Instead she sought comfort in the coffee.

Right there and then, she made a decision.

'_From this fear I will break free! I'll live again, with love, and they can't take that away from me! They will see!'_

With her newfound determination she stood up and with her head held high, she set course... for Chakotay's heart!

* * *

There had been a weird tension between them in the following few days, but Kathryn had needed the time to sort out her thoughts about how to approach Chakotay.

She wanted to do this right, after years of keeping him at arm's length.

It was killing him. He felt so angry and hurt; he couldn't face her anymore on the bridge. He didn't report to duty, giving a lame excuse.

She had to act!

"Computer, what is Commander Chakotay's current location?"

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

Kathryn stepped into the turbo lift and ordered it to deck 3. She rang his door chime, but he didn't respond.

She wasn't going to leave it like this, so she keyed in the override code and let herself in. The room was dark.

"Chakotay?" she called out to him. Still no answer.

She searched his bedroom and bathroom, but he was nowhere to be found. When she returned to the living area, she saw his uniform jacket on the sofa.

She picked it up and rolled her eyes.

"Great! He's hiding." His badge was still on the jacket. Kathryn thought for a moment of where he could be when suddenly it came to her.

She rushed out of his quarters and took the lift to deck 10. When she entered the room, she was surprised he wasn't there.

"Is there something I can help you with, Captain?" Seven asked, looking at Janeway from the upper deck in Astrometrics.

"Have you by any chance seen Commander Chakotay?"

"Not since this morning when he came to look at some data about a nearby planet. Why if I may ask?"

"Oh, no particular reason. I guess I just missed him on his way back to the bridge. Thank you." she said and quickly left.

She wasn't at all disappointed that he wasn't there.

She had to think again of where she could find him.

"Computer, is there a holo-program running at this moment?" she tried.

"Negative." She scratched the top of her head and then covered her mouth, thinking of all the places he could be.

He wasn't in a state of mind to be around people, but he wasn't in his quarters or on the holo-deck. After a minute, it hit her.

She stepped into the turbo lift again to deck 3 and walked to her own quarters.

She halted in front of the doors to take a breath and go over what she wanted to say to him.

She closed her eyes, straightened her uniform and pressed in her code.

There he was, sitting on her couch in the dark. He didn't look up when she entered.

Kathryn wondered if he had heard her come in and cleared her throat to announce her presence.

He looked out the viewport and she heard him sigh.

"Every night is getting longer and this fire is getting stronger." His voice was unsteady and low.

She could hear he was hurting.

She sat down next to him and placed her hand on his knee. He absently looked at it, not wanting to meet her eyes.

Even a strong man can only take so much.

She turned to face him and cupped his cheek to make him look at her. He turned his face, but closed his eyes.

She felt a tear on her hand.

'_Look at what you've done to this man.'_ she thought.

Without hesitation, she leaned forward and kissed him, soft and tender.

At first, he didn't kiss her back, but when she nudged his lips with her tongue, he gave in.

Their tongues danced in unison and she felt a wonderful sensation going through her.

'_Let the fear go, Kathryn!"_ She broke the kiss and flung her arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her and held on to her like he was never going to let her go again.

"Right here, right now, I give my life to live again!" she started crying of pure joy.

She pulled back and looked into his big brown eyes.

"I'll break free! Take me, my everything! I surrender all to you! Right now!"

She kissed him again, needing to feel him, to taste him.

Doing what she had wanted to do for years.

She tugged on his shirt and pulled it off over his head.

She unzipped her jacket and while she fought to get it off, his hands roamed over her body.

He grazed the side of her breast and circled his thumb around her hardened nipple.

She pulled her own shirt over her head and threw it on the floor.

Chakotay looked at her, stunned.

"You are so beautiful." A shy smile appeared with that compliment.

She stood up and pulled him up with her. He surprised her with another lingering kiss.

Kathryn broke the kiss, took his hand and walked to the bedroom.

She threw off the covers and turned to him again. She reached up and cupper his cheek.

"Make love to me, Chakotay." she begged. He took her hand and kissed her palm.

"I thought you would never ask."

Kathryn sat down on the bed and unzipped his pants, while he kicked off his boots.

They fell to the floor and she could see his erection wanting to break free from the constricting fabric of his boxers.

Before she could pull them down, he gently nudged her back, making her lie down.

He knelt down between her legs and kissed her stomach.

His feathery kisses made her shiver from pleasure.

He traced a wet line around her bellybutton, then all the way down to her waistband.

He locked his thumbs behind it and slowly pulled at her pants.

She lifted her hips to help him. In one movement, he got rid of both her pants and boots.

He resumed his kissing just below her bellybutton and with each kiss he came closer to her already wet centre.

With his thumbs, he teased her through the fabric of her black satin briefs.

"Oh, Chakotay, stop torturing me!" she hissed and bit her lower lip.

He pulled her panties aside and slowly licked her up to her clit.

She had to hold her breath to focus as he sucked and flicked the sensitive nub.

It had been definitely too long, because he already had her close to the edge.

'_Don't come yet.' _her mind screamed at her body, but it didn't listen.

When he entered her with one finger, she felt the unmistakable tingle.

She let go of her breath, covered her face with her hands and screamed out his name.

Chakotay eased up on her and let her ride it out. She trembled under his touch, her breathing ragged.

She went completely limp.

Chakotay stood up and leaned over her. He kissed her, and like Snow-white, she came alive again.

"Oh my God, that was... amazing. Amazingly quick." she said, barely a whisper.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I guess I made a good first impression then?" he smiled mischievous. She smiled back and nodded.

"Very good!"

She surprised him by grabbing his erect member.

He gasped and closed his eyes, almost losing his balance.

Kathryn gently pushed him down next to her and got up to take off her underwear.

"Now it's my turn to make a good impression." she said and looked at him with devilish eyes.

She pulled down his boxers, finally freeing his throbbing cock. Her eyes widened at the sight.

"I have to say, you made another good impression." He couldn't help but feel some pride when she complimented his manly hood.

Kathryn got down on her knees and caressed Chakotay from his knees up to his chest.

When she stretched out, she ran her tongue along his length, kissing the shiny hood very softly.

A deep guttural moan escaped and his eyes slammed shut in delight.

"You like that, huh?" she teased and did it again. Suddenly he grabbed her wrists and pulled her up.

"If you keep doing that, I don't think I'm going to last much longer." he admitted.

Kathryn placed her knees on either side of his hips and hovered over him, her heat barely inches away from his shaft.

"Ready?"

"More than ever!"

She positioned herself and, very slowly, eased down on him. He looked at her intently and saw her mouth form an 'o'.

She was hot and wet and so tight. He thought he was going to lose his mind, but he couldn't rush this, afraid that he might hurt her.

"Go slow." he whispered. She nodded and started moving up and down. Chakotay grabbed her hips and enjoyed watching her enjoy.

They stroked and kissed, coaxing each other to their climax.

"Hold on to me." Chakotay said and turned them both around, never breaking contact.

He lifted her knees high for a better angle and resumed thrusting in and out of her.

She was getting close, as was he, so Chakotay teased her nub with his thumb.

"Don't stop, don't stop, please, oh... oh..." she begged. She grabbed his forearms and dug her nails in deep.

When she came, her inner muscles tightened so hard, Chakotay couldn't take it any longer and came along with her.

He couldn't hold up is weight and collapsed on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

It took them a few minutes to catch their breath and stop trembling.

Chakotay slid out of her and lay down beside her.

She was staring at him when he opened his eyes, the most beautiful smile on her face.

"Are you crying?" he asked when he saw a tear go down her cheek.

"I can't help it; I feel so happy right now." She turned to her side and snuggled into his inviting arm.

"I can't believe this is true. I can't believe that..."

"Believe it, Kathryn! I love you and nothing is ever going to come between us anymore."

"Not our crew, not Starfleet regulations and certainly not your stubbornness!" He kissed the top of her head.

'_My fear is gone!' _she said to herself. '_I'm finally ready to say...'_

"I love you too, Chakotay!" Then she jabbed him in the ribs. "And I'm not stubborn. Just strong-minded."

He chuckled and kissed her.

"Whatever you say."

'_And finally.'_ he thought.

* * *

THE END

BDC 2010


End file.
